Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Cat VS Snake VS Bad Acting

Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure that's a young Jackie Chan in the video. Either way, I don't think they had great CGI effects in old Chinese animal fighting movies, so this seems to be a straight up street fight - no weapons- between a cat and a snake. No smoke, no mirrors, all fury. I'll admit that the snake was no doubt drained of all its venom before the battle, but regardless, this cat handles his biznass. Speaking of business, what in the mother fuck is Jackie Chan doing on the beach in the end there? That can't be good for business.

If YouTube tries to lie to you and say this video is no longer available, you can view it HERE
(Courtesy of

So there you have it. A cat is pretty well matched against a cobra with no venom. This reminds me of the days when me and my friends would have too much kool-aid and get to talking about animal fights in the wild. I'm going to list off a few wildlife battles and I want you guys to let me know who you think would win in the comments section.

  1. Eagle VS Giraffe
  2. Rhino VS Puma
  3. Grizzly Bear VS Anaconda
  4. Dolphin VS Sea Lion
  5. Penguin VS Tortoise
  6. Gorilla VS Hippopotamus
  7. Coyote VS Kangaroo
  8. Panda VS Koala (The Cutest Fight Ever!)


Have a tremendous day and please tell your friends about my blog.


Sully Sullivan said...

Eagle VS Giraffe
-I think the eagle claws the giraffe's eyes out first, then severs some key leg tendons, the rest is history

Rhino VS Puma
-this is toughie, i think it comes down to whether the rhino can catch that puma in a nice spot with its horn

Grizzly Bear VS Anaconda
-I think the big snake takes down the grizzly fairly easily.

Dolphin VS Sea Lion
- I'm going to say the dolphin outwits the sea lion, or just waits it out until the clubbers swing by to do the job for it

Penguin VS Tortoise
-I really have no idea, I think we all lose with this one, pretty boring.

Gorilla VS Hippopotamus
-hippopotamuses are actually a lot more territorial and ferocious than anyone gives them credit for. Gorillas, on the other hand, are pretty damn smart and also capable of getting pretty P.O.'d when it comes right down to it. I gotta give the edge to the gorilla.

Coyote VS Kangaroo
-If the coyote can catch the kangaroo, it's over. if the kangaroo can paint a tunnel over a huge solid rock in any sort of convincing manner....well, we've all seen looney tunes

Panda VS Koala (The Cutest Fight Ever!)
-Pandas take this easily. They are as angry and vicious as they are cute. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever trust a panda.

Nick Tomlinson said...

Someone with better mathematical prowess than I could come up with a formula that would sort this matter out for good. I'm thinking it's chiefly a matter of weight / skin toughness, with poison as a trump card. The giraffe, though, would simply not have the faintest idea that it was in a fight.

That Jackie Chan clip: that's, like, pretty much a snuff film, right?

That cat did some good ballet, but, like you said, those serpent fangs weren't delivering anything but snakespit; otherwise, the moggie's dancing would be more of the St Vitus variety.

Re Jackie on the beach: I certainly wouldn't mess with someone who looks that goddamn stupid.

~Static~ said...

Wow. PETA would have a shit fit over that movie scene. LOL!

1.)Eagle VS Giraffe = Eagle
2.)Rhino VS Puma = Rhino
3.)Grizzly Bear VS Anaconda = Grizzly
4.)Dolphin VS Sea Lion = Dolphin
5.)Penguin VS Tortoise = Tortoise
6.)Gorilla VS Hippopotamus = Hippo
7.)Coyote VS Kangaroo = Coyote
8.)Panda VS Koala (The Cutest Fight Ever!) = Neither, their cuteness cancels each other out. Until the Koala turns his back, then he's a goner.

Now if only I could combine monkey paw with GI Joe kung fu grip. Then I'd have toe fu kungrip.

*Does backflip and kicks Jackie Chan in the neck...

CPTWilly said...

Eagle v Giraffe: Eagle. What's the giraffe gonna do, bat the eagle out of the sky with it's long neck? In the process it would probably snap it's spinal cord, eagle still wins.

Rhino v Puma: If the puma comes from behind, puma wins. If the puma comes from the front, Rhino takes him.

Grizzly v Anaconda: Unless it's the movie version anaconda, Grizzly wins based on speed, teeth, and claws. Anaconda's only chance is to catch grizzly hibernating.

Dolphin v Sea Lion: Dolphin wins --smarter, faster, and travels in packs.

Penguin v Tortoise: Imagine they are bred for agression and fighting and, well it would still be long and boring. Penguin wins if he can quickly peck out the tortoise's eyes. If tortoise boxes up and penguin pecks until he is worn out, tortoise could come out of the shell and bite the exhausted bird. Still not sure that he could win . . .

Gorilla v Hippo: On land, Gorilla takes hippo. If the fight gets to the water, hippo wins.

Coyote v Kangaroo: Yeah, Coyote has it. Carnivore v Herbivore and carnivore wins. He might be one messed up coyote, but he would win in the end.

Panda v Koala: Poor Koala--good thing they live on separate continents, Panda found a new treat.

moonmystic said...

Those cat screaming sound effects will be haunting me 'til my dying day . . .

Dane of War said...

WTMF is up with that cat scream? *shudder*

Eagle VS Giraffe
- Eagle for the win.
Rhino VS Puma
- Rhino. I mean, it's a damn rhino, able to kill a lion!
Grizzly Bear VS Anaconda
- Grizzly. Unless this is like the John Voight Anaconda, that snake is going to get f'd up by 1,200 pounds of kill.
Dolphin VS Sea Lion
- Dolphin. They can be vicious bastards and are able to beat sharks do death.
Penguin VS Tortoise
- It would never happen. They have a long standing non-aggression pact after that trouble in the mid 17th century.
Gorilla VS Hippopotamus
- Hippo. This isn't Planet of the Apes and he probably isn't packing heat.
Coyote VS Kangaroo
- The 'roo. Those things are like MMA fighters. Coyotes are 'lil mangy dogs.
Panda VS Koala
Panda. It would be over before it started.

BTW - Awesome blog, my man!