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Friday, February 19, 2010

I can't watch curling anymore because I get too horny...

So the Olympics are here and I'll have to admit I haven't been the most dedicated Olympics-watcher over the past 10 years or so, but since they're being held in my hood, I feel compelled to take a look. (According to most Americans, the distance between Vancouver and Toronto is that of a brisk jog.)


Back when I used to actually watch the Olympics, women's curling looked like a gathering of the Abrasive Lesbians Council. There were so many jagged haircuts that when they lined up for team photos it looked a background scene in a Super Mario Brothers level.

Well, things have changed and I'm pissed. As I watched curling yesterday with my buddies, we were all surprised to find that, somehow, in the past ten years, curlers went out and got themselves hot. Super hot. Why would I be pissed about this? Because I actually like watching curling and now it's tough because I keep getting really turned on. All these tiny, beautiful women screaming at eachother and sweeping is extremely arousing. Now I understand why some religions allow men to have multiple wives.

For your pleasure, here are the top 10 hottest curlers participating in the 2010 Winter Olympics. I apologize for some of the pictures being small but it was slim pickings on finding good photos of a lot of these beauties. I will also note that I was originally going to do a top 5, but it was so hard to narrow it down.
Top 10 Hottest Female Olympic Curlers

10. Nicole Joraanstad (Team USA) 9. Eva Lund (Team Sweden) 8. Cheryl Bernard (Team Canada)

7. Anna Sidorova (Team Russia)

6. Angelina Jensen (Team USA)

5. Eve Muirhead (Team Great Britain)

4. Ludmila Privivkova (Team Russia)

3. Mari Motohashi (Team Japan)

2. Stella Heiss (Team Germany)
1. Melanie Robillard (Team Germany)
Bonus: Hottest Overall Team

So I bet you're wondering which team I thought was the hottest overall.

Well, if you've been paying attention, you know that my #1 and #2 hottest curlers overall were both from Germany so if you're smart, you'd know that it's Germany. Well stop being so smart because it's not working out for you. It's not Germany.

When researching, I first came across Heiss and Robillard and I figured, "wow...the German team is unreal types of hot." Then I realized their skipper was Mickey Rourke. You can't win a hotness contest when your FEMALE skip is a dead ringer for Mickey Rourke.


It's a shame Mickey Rourke had to ruin it for the German team, but in all honesty, Japan wins this hands down. Germany has the two hottest curlers at the Olympics, but every single girl on the Japanese team is attractive. So congrats, Japan! Way to really go out there and give 110%...at being hot.

Sorry to everyone for taking such a long hiatus. As far as excuses go, I got nothing.