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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The New Fall Season - YAYYYYY!

Prison Break

Synopsis: A ridiculous-as-need-be drama that's addicting based solely upon the principle that people like to make fun of things. The writers of this show are stupid. There is no need to be witty. They are. Just. Stupid. Or Rain Man-like savants. I haven't decided yet.

What to look for this season:
-William Fitchner continuing to be the only person on set who is familiar with the term: "acting"
-Apparently the broad who was dead really isn't dead. This is to say that the show’s writers finally admitted to themselves that the plot is just waaaaaaaaaaaaay too thin without her. She has her head sewed back on in the first episode or something.

How it could be better: Just send in the fucking giant albatross that swoops down and whisks all the "good guys" away from danger. PLEASE.






Terminator the TV Show

Synopsis: Arnold Schwarzenegger said one line in a sequel to a decent movie in 1991 and here we are today...

What to look for this season:

-another show to watch

How it could be better: Eddie Furlong + Heroin = YESSSSSSS!

House

Synopsis: This is a pretty good show, I'll admit. This is your grandfather's type of television, though. It’s reliable, not too flashy but still entertaining, routine...very very very very routine. Fast fact: this show is written using a mad libs template. Let's take a look at episode one of this season(click for larger version)...



What to look for this season:
-House one-liners finally becoming boring to the general public and not just me (THANK GOD!)
-Omar Epps, the Australian guy, and the young girl all being disrespected by House repeatedly. The three new people also being disrespected by House repeatedly.
-House disrespecting everyone. Repeatedly.

How it could be better: I think we all know what we want...we want to see House cry


Beverly Hills 90210

Synopsis: The whole gang is back, minus all the good looking people and Tori Spelling, and they're itching to get up to their classic hijinks in a whole new decade. Returning to the show are Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth who'll join a fresh new cast of future drug addicts, date rapers, and peach pit workers.

What to look for this season:
- a host of unexpected cameos by characters such as Dylan's deadbeat dad who died, the girls who stole Steve's corvette, cross eyed try-hard Andrea, Steve's blond afro mullet, etc.
- yet another Kelly Taylor drug addiction
- this time Donna Martin ACTUALLY doesn't graduate

How it could be better: Brian Austen Green dance solos forever.


Boston Legal

Synopsis: Funny creepy meets creepy creepy when William Shatner and James Spader team up yet again for the show's 5th season (I know I'm as surprised as you are).

What to look for this season:
-hopefully more of that hot piece of tail Candice Bergen
-Camryn Manheim reprises her role as the intimidating dude from the original show "The Practice"
-A shit-load more of James Spader's signature cocked-chin pervert leer.

How it could be better: MORE MANHEIM. MORE MANHEIM. MOOOORE MAAAAAANHEIM.


Two and a Half Men

Synopsis: Named after the amount of normal men it would take to watch as much porno as Charlie Sheen, this show returns to defend its title of Best Sitcom on Television (according to people who have obviously never seen The Office).

What to look for this season:
-Charlie sheen dies....his hair blonde and poses as Denise Richards in order to legally see his children
- the "half" part of the shows sees a lot more screen time. Oh, and the kid has a lot of scenes too

How it could be better: Cast Overhaul -- Charlie Sheen keeps his role, the other "man" is replaced by Martin Sheen and the "half" character is now played by Emilio Estevez

19 comments:

Kori said...

You know what? This is a very clear and hialrious reminder of why I think tv is shit. Glad to see you back! Oops,that is supposed to read hilarious. And "crap." HA!

Meg said...

God do I miss Tony and Christopher and Paulie. ;)

Brian o vretanos said...

Hmmm, I wonder whether it's worth me emigrating across the pond for?

Maybe not...

Michelle Ann said...

This is precisely why I tend to go to the cable channels for viewing. If you aren't watching Weeds, Californication, Entourage Flight of the Conchords, and Curb Your Enthusiasm, you should be.

However, I still loves me some Heroes.

Chris Wood said...

The Two and A Half Men bit cracked me up. Nice one fella!

catscratch said...

I admit it. Me and grandpa are hooked on House. I personally think he's hot.

You couldn't pay me to watch 90210 or The Terminator though.

Ech.

Bee said...

"Named after the amount of normal men it would take to watch as much porno as Charlie Sheen"

You are obviously not trying hard enough Sully.

Ha ha! I was lookiong forward to my shows coming back especially House, there is something about the guy that makes me want to cuddle, now I'm not so sure I'll even bother. :o)

Michelle Ann said...

Bee and Catscratch...okay, I thought I was the only weirdo that thought House was hot. Who doesn't love a man with project written all over him...

leigh said...

i have never seen a single one of any of the shows you mentioned. and i'm so over charlie sheen. i used to like him (like when he was in wall street and before he became a porn junkie), but the man needs to stop getting married and impregnating all these poor women who think they can "change" him. what's he trying to prove? what a creep.

but i do love the office.

Quickroute said...

I confess I was a 90210 fan back in the day. Can't believe they are trying to resurect though!

Prison Break first series was good but now it's just like Dallas with people coming back fromthe dead or was it just all a dream?

that girl said...

Okay, this was hilarious.

But seriously, y'all just skip all that shit and watch THE CLEANER, The Cleaner (A&E) kicks House's crippled ass. The Cleaner, The Cleaner, The Cleaner (and the Office)

Smart A$$ Mom said...

hysterical, as always. Please, please edit your opinion of Greys and Entourage. Much appreciated.

Suzy said...

Love House, hate Charlie Sheen, 90210 was tedious, stopped watching Prison Break, over Boston Legal and now am all aboard the Mad Men train.

Anndi said...

House can be saved... Charlie however, not so much.

Megan said...

When I see the words The Office I immediately am unable to see anything else...

Glad to know I made the right decision when I decided not to watch any of these shows.

Nice one, Sully!

The Hypocritical One said...

You're spot on with your mad libs jab...it's uncanny.

Humor Hero said...

I can't believe they're bringing 90210 back. And Knight Rider too. Network TV is running out of ideas apparently.

Tanya Kristine said...

two and a half men? are you gay?? where's 24? hwere's Dexter? where's 30 rock...wheres the QUALITY television!!??!

moonmystic said...

I can't even imagine how they can incorporate the old 90210 cast into the new. . . and Prison Break. . .how many more prisons can they break out of? And I really have no idea what's going on, but I still watch it. Maybe someone else will come back to life. . .