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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Toodles Google AdSense

I'd like to say I was the bigger man. I'd like to say that I sat up one morning and kicked "the man" in the shins and got on the horn to Google AdSense and said, "I'm not being a whore anymore. Go masturbate yourselves."

It didn't quite work that way. Truth be told, they dumped me. However, I'm here to say on this fine Tuesday morning that I really don't give a care. I bashed Hollister and they put Hollister ads on my site. I tore a strip off of Subway and the very next morning Google AdSense was asking my readers if they were interested in a "Fresh Subway Sandwich".

Aside from making me look like a jackass with their inept trolling software, they also put some plain weird crap on here. "Child Birth Videos" comes to mind immediately. I guess this was a product of my "Celebrity Baby Nostradamus" article or maybe I had tagged something with "creepy" or "more disgusting than anal grandpa intercourse", but honestly I don't remember doing that. For all you baby pervs out there, you're going to have to look elsewhere to fulfill your disgusting child birth video needs because I will no longer be satiating them.

Here's what they told me...

"...we found that your AdSense account has posed a significant risk to our AdWords advertisers. Since keeping your account in our publisher network may financially damage our advertisers in the future, we've decided to disable your account." (Aside: I'm getting this printed on a t-shirt so the ladies know how badass I am. Nothing is sexier than being a 'significant internet risk')

The above basically means..."We are retarded. Although we are a subsidiary of a multi-billion dollar online company, we haven't bothered to design trolling software (the application that searches the tags on a site and assigns appropriate ads to the AdSense spaces) sophisticated enough to determine whether the tags are associated with negative content. We offer our apologies...to ourselves for being dumber than a sack of toilet seats."

Ah well. Between me and you, I wasn't making very much money off of those ads anyways and I'll admit that it was a little shitty of me to put ads on my blog. Lesson learned. From here on out, I'll just sit back with a refreshing Diet Pepsi and bang out ad-free blogs on my efficient and affordable Dell computer with the clean conscience of knowing that my Dodge Charger Blog of the Week is free of any ads. I thank you for staying with me through these ridiculous times of unnecessary advertising and also, next tax season...think of H&R Block.

Nike.

I had a feeling you may need to waste some time today so I updated the Web Links section on the right. Enjoy...

22 comments:

Kori said...

You ARE a bad ass! love the t-shirt idea, and hey, that last paragraph? We are talking Nobel Prize quality, had they one for subtlty. :)

Brian o vretanos said...

I expect the main problem is with the content of your blog - it probably doesn't attract readers who are gullible enough to buy more of the advertised products.

Though I have cliked on the news reports at the top (which for me link to Greek news sites).

Anyway, I must rush off - I've just realised I need to buy some new trainers...

David said...

Sully.....I figured you for a Mountain Dew pitch man!

Thinkinfyou said...

You know the same thing happened to me a couple months back. I wrote in to notify them that one of the ads they put on my site read....."Molested Children shop now at yahoo.com. I thought they knew something I didn't know,and they responded back with exact same letter you got.

Michelle Ann said...

World domination via AdSense is never a good plan...who cares if you stuck it to the man or the man stuck it to you?

Maybe I should rephrase that...

Rickey Henderson said...

Well done indeed sir, Rickey applauds your important step towards a shill-free lifestyle.

Rickey took adsense off his site after ads for "The L Word" kept on popping up. Evidently RwR was targeted as ground zero for an ad campaign for lesbians everywhere.

catscratch said...

I don't give a shit what they say. You are an amazing pitch man.

Fug 'em.

Bee said...

BAH! What do they know!
Thanks to your post on Subway I decided never to eat there again. Maybe you should lease your service to competitors, you know, trash talk the other product?

You can pit McDonald's against Burger King,

CPTWilly said...

Google screwed you? How unusual.

Your right about their trolling software. Where do they find these troll ads?

Dame Wotta Tripp said...

You're better off without them. I bog myself laughing every time they 'match' an ad to my blog - it just adds to the humor - but that's all it does!

deb said...

i'm doing a t-shirt too.

i'm glad you write what you write. it's fresh it's funny and mostly right on.

ads smads who needs it ;)~

Honjii said...

Thank you for no longer being an AdSense whore!

It does amaze one to think of all the technology google is able to implement, yet they haven't yet figured out how to avoid having their ads appear in inappropriate places, or with crazy wording like the one Thinkinfyou cited.

Megan said...

Great post, Sully.

Adidas.

terri said...

I've never heard a good thing about Google Adsense. I've never had ads on my blog either, more because of lack of knowledge and sheer laziness than anything else, but now I know I'm not missing out on anything good.

You ARE a total badass. It's obvious.

And thank you... for your words of encouragement on my post today. After the surgery, I'll be off work for a few weeks and my blog will return to it's usual format of the oddities and stupidity that make up my life.

Kat said...

You're so bad and if you ever have that t-shirt made I wanna see your bad ass in it :)

leigh said...

ads? you don't need no stinking ads!!

i pride myself on being a completely non-commerc1al (albiet poor) blog. hey! at least i have my integrity. plus i can talk about whatever the eff i want. death to corporte censorship!

Reno Gruber said...

The hooligans at Diary of Fools will proudly keep the hay penny per day we make on our adsense so when I write a 200 word dress-down of Mamma Mia, people can easily look to the left and buy tickets to it online (then hopefully reevaluate their lives afterward.)

Humor Hero said...

I noticed AdSense sucks on my site too. I've been thinking about dropping it and in light of this, I will. It has never really made me money. On a humor site the only keywords that matter are the tags/labels, but AdSense can't figure that out! Annoying!

damon said...

Your blog poses threat of a LOT of things. (but there's ointments for most of them) Negative promotion? I didn't think there was such thing.
Just ask Paris Hilton.

Tenakim said...

You are pretty much a rebel, eh? Could've guessed as much, but would've pegged you a mountain dew man or Mac- I, too, choose the sensible route of Dell.

I'm just glad I don't have to see ads for treatment of Irritable Bowel Syndrome on your site- that would've been too easy a target.

LiteralDan said...

Nice ending. Somehow I think you'll be alright after all.

Aramithia said...

Amen. I don't like ads on blogs and I'm glad others share this view. Thank you for translating their corporate geek speak into the much friendlier (and funnier) laymen terms.